weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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