Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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