never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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