Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
