She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
