just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize