Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
