I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
