we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
