I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
