pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
