My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
