Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
