i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
