Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
