...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
