Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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