oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
