Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
