Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
