she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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