uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
