So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
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