non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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