so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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