okay pat passed out under dana's car
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
