If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
