I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
