you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize