You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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