Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
