Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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