I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
