I faked an abortion last night.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
