who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize