wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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