Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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