Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
