if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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