I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
