Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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