I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
FUCK WHALES
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