I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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