the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
