Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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