I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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