he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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