It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
