You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
