I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize