Got a toothbrush?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
