You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize