Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
