my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
