I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
