im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
