I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
