I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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