No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
