I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
