you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
