just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
