these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
