You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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