tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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