He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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