I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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