It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
