At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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