I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
