I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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