life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize