life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
