I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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