T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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