Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
