I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
