a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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