Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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