Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
