help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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