Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
