wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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