Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
