when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
