Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize