Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
