I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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