She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
