I bet he comes in French.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
