Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
