awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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